and that's a wrap: Q1 2013

I made Rhett a 2013 desk calendar as a gift using these photos from 2012.  Though some, if not most, of them may have already been posted on this little ol blog of mine, I wanted to see them all in one place.  2012 was a defining, high jumping spring board for what we are now living here in the now of 2013.  Q1 2013 has been good to us.  We're writing the ending sentences on a chapter that has been the perfect mix of excitement, leaps of faith, affirming- in every aspect of life, and directional.  Now, as the calendar gets ready to roll into Q2 13, we're excitedly anticipating what will fill the pages of the next chapter.. and all I can think is that if it's half as great as the moments I see above.. we will be blessed.   -m-

circa today, the year 2001

I was 21 years old.  He was 10 months & 10 days old, and it was his very first Halloween.  I was in Disneyland 2 months previous, in August, and found the cutest, plushest, littlest Tigger costume I'd ever seen and bought it then and tucked it away for my baby's first Halloween.  When the day finally came, I put my little baby in that soft costume and for reasons now unknown to me ~ I put on a witch wig, metal headbands, placed rhinestones under my eyes, added ungodly amounts of black eyeliner, layers of dark lipstick, cut some holes into black nylons to wear as gloves ~ and took me and my little baby to Wal-Mart for a portrait.  yes.  Wal-Mart.  In my defense, I lived in a very small town.  It was about my only option. And right now, today, I am so very happy I did.  I'm so happy the memory is preserved, because time flies by so fast.  And things change.  Tonight is the very first - of probably many firsts - that I will not spend with my baby, as I have for the previous 10 years [Ten Years.  A Whole Decade.] because, he is going with his friends, and mom's aren't invited.  ::sigh::  I am a little teary eyed this morning.

what success REALLY looks like

via

isn't this just the truth.  the road to Success is not a straight smooth little path that you diligently, calmly follow, straight to the top.  it is more accurately a scribbly mess of ups and downs and curly cues, where at times you feel as if you're a dog, chasing your tail around and around in circles; it's full of detours and requires realignments of the compass.

i currently have a few different paths i am on, seeking success.  the success wanted in hitting that magical number on the scale, our dreams of finding the perfect space to build Rhett's business successfully, the path to refurbishing furniture and selling it successfully.. just to name a few.

it's a long scribbly road to that arrow at the top.  sitting back, staring, and following that scribbly mess above on that arrow to success actually leaves me hopeful and full of determination.  the obstacles i'm feeling are Normal.  they are part of the path.  the circles looping around in my mind are par for the course.  it's really just about staying ON the course.  the course to that arrow at the top.  that's where i'm heading.

are you in the middle of one of those curly cues on your path?
how do you keep focused on arriving at that arrow at the top?

-m- 

I miss this kid

it's been a week.

i'm over it.

he is too.

he sent me a message today

saying that he wants to come back to Portland.

I asked why.

he said he misses me and misses his friends.

i told him that we miss him too.

i'm not in denial tho,

i know it's his girlfriend 

he really misses.

yes.

he has a girlfriend.

and her name is Phoebe,

not Mimi.

and Phoebe has fire engine red hair.

not "trying-to-have-redish-hair",

i'm talking RED like a fire engine.

like coloring your hair pink, 

except for not pink, but RED unnatural hair.

gosh.

i really miss him.

-m-

confessions over cheese on bread

I'm gonna admit something. 

Something Tristen mentioned this week that I haven't been able to get out of my head.
He was on his way to hangry, waiting for dinner, and he broke out the cheese and bread.

T:   Mom.  I'm gonna make our family tradition for a snack before dinner.
Me:  oh ya birdie?  what's that?
T: Cheese on Bread mom.  Remember when we always used to eat cheese on bread?
*laughs*
Me: ya birdie, I remember that.  I loove cheese on bread!
T: Me too mom.

Cheese on Bread.  You cut some thick creamy cheddar deliciousness off that Tillamook brick, lay a piece of bread on a plate, lay the cheese carefully on top of the bread ~ being sure every little milometer of the bread is covered in yellow goodness, {it takes just about 3 slices.  If you're feeding two, cut 5 slices and you're golden} and pop it in the microwave for 15 seconds.  Open the microwave door; take a peak, and let some fresh air in there.  The cheese in the very middle should just barely be beginning to melt.  NOT puddle, just barely melting.  You close the door, enter 6 more seconds on the clock, push Start, and wait till the count down is to 1 second and then pop the door open.  Done!  Cheese on Bread Perfection.  Absolute perfection.  All of the cheese will be just melted, the texture perfect.  It will be warm, not hot, and ready to eat immediately. Yuuuummm.

It was with some shame that I've reflected on this and realized that THAT, to birdie, is our "family tradition" ~ the meal momma always made.  He'll tell his kids someday... "eat that spaghetti child!  do you know how lucky you are to have spaghetti, garlic bread, and a salad with fresh veggies, croutons, and ranch dressing for dinner?? Nana M fed me cheese on bread when I was a kid.  That's it! Be blessed that Nana M isn't feeding you and Eat."

I am sure of it.

I had to make dinner this week.  Cause Rhett made me.  He was hungry and wanted me to feed him. I grabbed the cheese and bread, my go-to, and stood there and stared at it.  Shoot.  Not quite dinner to a man.  So  I opened a can of tuna, cut up some tomatoes, some onions, and got fancy and brushed some olive oil on the bread and pan fried that baby. Wanna know what that was?  Cheese on Bread, on steroids. Dang it was good.  And there it was.  The essence of my cooking skills, with an upgrade.

Obvs:
I have no cooking skills.
And the truth is, I don't even want any.
I'm not sure why that makes me want to cry.  
Because it truly does.  Honestly.  Right this minute, as I type this, I have tears in my eyes.  Maybe it's because I do want some skills.  But I'm so tired at night, and it takes work.  And it makes a mess, and I just can't want to do it.  But now I know that means Tristen will always remember his mom for her cheese on bread.  I just don't know that's where a mom's kitchen skills should stand with a boy... I'm not sure I want him to tell his kids:  "your nana made a mean cheese on bread."  Is that something to be proud of, or ashamed of?


That said.  I sure as heck have my own childhood memories of quick and dirty yumminess that I remember fondly.  Peanut butter and syrup, just barely blended together, dipped into with bread and saltine crackers.  My dad's food fam tradition.  Ha.  I'll always remember it.  I think it's been years since I've made it myself, but I sure do remember it.  Nothing shameful there.  Then again, that wasn't what he was feeding me for dinner.  :)

-m-

mom. i think i got puberty.

me and T

As per the norm, yesterday Tristen called me on his walk home from school.  He tells me about his day and rambles the .5 miles home.   I half listen, half find something on my desk to work on that requires half my brain, and I tell him what he needs to do when he gets home. But yesterday’s convo was not exactly the norm.  Here's how it went: 

Tristen:  So mom, you know how we have FLASH class right now?

{FLASH: Family Life and S  ex  ual Health} 

Me:  Ya

T:  Well today in FLASH we learned about Puberty.  And Mom, I think I got it. 

{I immediately stop multi-tasking and I scream WHAT?!!!  Just in my head of course.}

Me:  oh really!?! 

T:  yep.  I think I got Puberty mom.

Me:  realllly??  What makes you think that?

T:  well, you get a lot of emotions when you have Puberty.  Like emotions that come out of no-where.  And you get really stressed out when you have Puberty.  Remember when you told me to put my shoes on and I got really mad and took it out on you cause I thought you thought I didn’t know how to put my shoes on? 

{ummmmm… I must have missed that he was so mad, cause I don’t remember}

Me:  um, ya, I remember that.

T:  I think that was puberty mom.

Me:  ooooooooooooh…

T:  ya, and remember when I got really mad and I got really hot so I went into the garage and turned the lights off and laid on the ground? 

{ohmygad, I was sooo annoyed with him when he did that.  It was like dealing with a two year old throwing a tantrum all over again.  And I chose to just let him work it out and lay there.  And he got a spider bite.  And I told him that’s what you get when you lay on the ground in the garage.  I know.  I’m such a stand up mother}

Me:  YES, I DO remember that.

T:  well, I think that was Puberty.  Cause you know, Puberty has a lot of emotions.

{right about now I’m experiencing waves of mortification, while doing my best not to giggle, and I’m freaking out cause he’s right: my little boy is entering Puberty and he knows it; and I’m smiling at how absolutely precious this conversation is, so naturally I grab my note pad and start scribbling fiercely to get down everything he’s said because this conversation must be documented, and I start asking leading questions.}

Me:  it sure sounds like it.  What else happens when you get Puberty?

T:  well, your muscles get bigger and you get taller.  And that is definitely happening to me.

Me:  yep, it sure is.  

T:  oh!  And mom, you get facial hair when you have Puberty!  

Me:  facial hair?

Tristen:  ya!!  And guess what mom.  You have to get like an inch away from my face to see it, but I have a full beard. 

Me:  You do!?!

T:  Yep. 

Me:  You have to show me when I get home.

T:  Okay.  I will. 

Me:  I think you might be right.  I think you might have Puberty.

T:  Ya.  I think I got it mom.

Me:  well, I think it’s going to be really helpful to know what’s causing some of these things, right?

{'mom' inserting a thought ends the conversation.  

I betcha that’s a symptom of Puberty too}

T:  ya, okay mom.  I gotta go.

I got home from work.. 

we chit chatted a minute and my boy brings it up, I didn't even have to. 

T:  mom, that’s crazy 'bout Puberty, right?

Me:  It sure is Bird!  Ohmygosh, let me see your beard!

{he puts his face next to mine so I can get a good look and points a finger to the skin under his nose, and above his lip}

T:  see mom, I have a beard.  It’s not dark yet, but it’s a full beard.

Me:  WOW!  I do see it!

{we’re about three inches away from each other, staring at each other’s faces, and I’m thinking wow.  Wow oh wow.  This has happened so quickly.  He’s eleven.  He’s learning about puberty.  My precious precious boy.  Who is literally on his way to being a young man.  How time flies.  And things change.  Literally.   Our bodies, our thoughts, our emotions, our awareness.  I’m about to gently tell him, so he won’t have an embarrassing moment of someone laughingly telling him that his “beard” is actually a “mustache”, cause man, the kid is like me and embarrasses easily, and the way he’s looking at me so intently.. my heart is just melting.  And then he said...}

T:  jeez mom, your beard is bigger than my beard.

He can just get embarrassed.  ;)

Birdie examining my "beard"

Linking up right {here} with Stephanie, 
cause by golly, I gotta share this moment. :) 

-m-

will i ever get over it

That bass.
I heard it rollin and I knew it before I saw it.
Dr. Dre on the radio.
I'm a product of the 90's.
gangsta rap baby.
it just does things to me.


i don't condone the "message",
i recognize all the nonsense that it is.
mostly likely the world is better now that gangsta rap has taken it's 
place in history.  but it has had its place.  if you were in high-school in the nineties, you likely heard it, you bumped it, you moved to it.


and if you were there,
the movement it induces just comes from deep inside.
just a little bump up top,
a slight move,
moves it's way,
making my hips figure eight all the way..
I just can't help but feel it.
so s ex y.
takes me back,
I must admit.
and I just googled the lyrics.
and i'm like gad Makaila.
seriously.
so stoopid.
so very very stupid.
but i don't even care.
i just love it.

will I always feel this way when I hear it?

is whatever the sound that was ~
during those form-able, impressionable, so very intense moments of adolescence ~
the sound that just takes you back right there and makes your body roll, the way you once did, no matter your age.. a sound so brilliantly unique about the generation you hail from..  the sound from your youth...  will you always just love it?  will I ever get over it?

Is there a sound that takes you back?

if you wanna hear the throw-back to my youth, here it is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJc0M4CjmNg
Kendrick Lamar ft. Dr Dre.  Live and on the radio in 2012,
on my drive home today...
and it made my day. 

-m-

it's alright.

alright alright alright
boys will be boys.

so i was being a little tongue-in-cheek 

{actually i think it was more like BITE ME}

'bout  rhett's lack of memory

of our first little moments together,

but you girls are right...

Men = bad memories. 

Wait.  

bahawhahaha

correction!

Men have bad memories. 

So he doesn't remember our pre-dating date days.

...he remembered to remove the AC unit from the main floor last night so I didn’t have to look at it and get depressed that last weekend the sun was beating down at 89 degrees and now it’s not.

he remembers to get up and make coffee every day. Bless him.  

he remembered Mother’s Day and gave me the best day ever...  

me.  on mother's day.  i smiled all.day.long.

....he remembers that I get easily overwhelmed and sometimes I just need him to be there.  And he is. 

he remembers and gives me cards and tells me and shows me that he knows we are lucky to have found each other and that he’ll always remember...

"i've never loved anyone the way i love you"

...he remembers to kiss me goodbye.

he remembers to tell me he loves me every single day....

he remembers the important things.  

Rhett and I.
At the Black Eyed Peas/U2 show
In Vancouver, B.C.
October 29, 2009
18 days after we met.

all the important things.

the things that matter.  

and that's what matters.

i love you babe.  ;) 

-m-

bite me. i am so annoyed right now.

I wore this on my first date with Rhett.  well, not the pink plaid pajama bottoms, I wore that shirt. I know.  I'm pretty sure I picked it up in the height of my Team Vampire stage. Tonight I went upstairs, opened up my drawer, saw it, and got all sappy and nostalgic. I put it on with my pajama bottoms and went prancing down the stairs and skipped up to Rhett and said "baaaabe... do you remember?? I wore this shirt on our first date!"  He kinda glanced at me and said "oh, ya.  ya, I remember that babe."

"What else do you remember about our first date babe??"

I was so freaking giddy.  oooooh, a moment was coming!  what were the very first things he was thinking, what does he remember about our first weird awkward "non-dating" date moments? eeeeek, what would he say???  Honest to god, I almost told him to hold his thoughts so I could grab a pen and jot it all down.

and then He said: "well, I remember that shirt".

"well, ya babe.  I just said that."

He threw me another glance.
so I threw him a bone.

"well babe", I said, "I remember we met at that restaurant that I don't like and I didn't eat a thing"...

and..

"I remember that the guys in my office told me to wear a lacy pretty top cause I had met a guy that I actually said I liked, so I did, and then after we left the restaurant, I changed my shirt and I asked you if you thought it was weird that I changed my shirt (to the Bite Me shirt.  It was just in my handbag.  Don't ask, I don't know) and you stared at me and said "no, I don't think it's weird you changed your shirt, but I think it's weird that your shirt is on backwards."

AND.. 

"I remember that you took me to your brother's spot and then we went upstairs and I saw some guy I vaguely recognized but couldn't place so I cut a hard left and disappeared behind the other side of the bar and hid, frantically trying to plan an escape, and you found me and said, "hey, my buddy is here, you know the one that was with me last weekend."

I think my hands were on my hips by this point.

"What do YOU remember babe?"

"Um, well, I remember all that."

THAT'S IT.
I asked him 5 times.
He remembers what I remember.
That's All.
I am sooo annoyed right now!
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN.
That is what I want to know now.
I mean.  Seriously.
His first date with the girl that changed her shirt mid-date to a vampire toothed winking Bite Me shirt and he doesn't remember anything??

Bite me.  :P

-m-

my mama's day

i woke up to tulips, 

chocolate, roses, 

cards, and tristen's breakfast special.

rhett ALWAYS gives me the BEST cards.  Always.



then we headed over to rhett's mom's for lunch with the fam... 

and then.. 

{and rhett says that despite my doubts,

this proves i'm a good mom}

tristen was dying to go to the malibu race track to go-cart,

cause he's talking about three things non-stop right now-

and building a go-cart is one of them.

so, in honor of mother's day, 

because birdie wanted to go..

we went go cart racing.

it was serious business.

it was about this time that T starts yelling.. 

"MOM!  Hey MOM, 

didn't you listen to the guy???? 

This is a NO PASS COURSE!

You aren't supposed to pass me!"  

*oops*

i  missed that part.

it was so much fun.

 i loved it.

pedal to the medal,

wind blowing through your hair,

passing when you aren't supposed to pass.

Rush!  

we were famished afterwards, 

so we headed to the mall.

and had disgusting mall food.

and Tristen made us take turns listening to dre beats in the apple store.

Beats by Dre are the SECOND thing that T is talking about

NonFreakingStop.

omygosh.  

kill me now.

They ARE killer tho.  

but momma is NOT paying $150+ 

for a pair of headphones.

no how, no way.

we left the mall and i said "babe,

can we drive by some water on the way home?"

i was busy snapping pictures,

uploading to instagram,

and all the sudden i looked up...

and we were crossing over to the washington side of the columbia river.

rhett pulled up to a great spot of the river,

we parked, and got out and strolled the boardwalk.

it was absolutely beautiful. 

perfect. 

my mama's day was perfect.

thanks to my boys.

i <3 you.

thank you.

isn't it amazing to feel appreciated as a momma;

to have a day that is all yours?  

i would like to give whoever started Mother's Day,

and put it on the calendar,

a big ol sloppy kiss.

-m-