A Look Back For Motivation Forward

a peek into my fridge tonight

Well, it's officially "The First of the Year".  Darn it.  For the past month I have used that phrase frequently.  i.e. The massive dessert bar at the Christmas Party: Indulge yourself Makaila ~ come First of the Year, you'll watch what you eat again.  Craving and hopping in the car to get my very fav Mexi: a dripping with cheese and sour cream quesadilla, chips and salsa and, heck, add some Guac!  Come First of the Year, I'll quit eating like this.  Well.  Not to repeat myself, but to repeat myself so it Sinks In.  It's PAST the first of the year. Two days past, as a matter of fact.   It's time to get back on it.  

Since getting pregnant with Tristen and having him at 20 years old, I have struggled with my weight.

who had more baby fat, me or T? 

me at my college graduation.  chubsters!  

I dropped some pounds over the years since these pictures and got a bit more fit, and for the past 4 years or so I've been "okay" with me and my appearance and how I felt about myself.  I could do better, and should really be at least 10 pounds lighter, but I was comfortable in my skin, and that's what mattered to me.

But by August of 2011, I'd quit watching what I ate, wasn't being active at all, had been in a relationship for awhile with a great guy who told me I was beautiful every day, and I lost pulse on the fact that I was putting on pounds.  Ten to be exact, and now I had Twenty pounds I could really stand to lose.  I realized it when I looked through pictures on my phone and realized that they were ALL head shots.  And I still didn't like me in the photo.

there's my head!  

i think i made Rhett take this 5 times so i was sure my arms weren't making an appearance

pic success!  no real body parts showing!
but still.  those chipmunk cheeks screamed at me.

no body parts showing success, again!

prob the fact that i was loving the Deep Fried Twinkies on the menu wasn't helping the matter.

I'll never forget my reflections before my birthday this past summer.  I turned 31.  I have to admit with some embarrassment and humor as I think back on it, that I was shocked and jolted to my core to realize that I'm not just "30" anymore.  I am IN my 30's.  Holy Mother!  What!?!  I am IN my Thirties!  W.T.Heck. I thought about my 20's and a prominent thought was how I had spent my entire twenties unhappy and dissatisfied with my health, my fitness, and utimately how I looked and most importantly felt about myself.  I vowed to myself that I would not get into my 40's and think back with the same reflections on my 30's. 

And as I looked back tonight on my phone at that time period.. my pictures changed.  There weren't any pictures of me.  But there were tons of pictures that depicted a major change in my life.  

i started cooking

using veggies.  and Flax Seed Oil

i cut out starches as best as possible.
these are mashed cauliflower with lean beef crumbles and non fat mexi cheese mix

to get my mexi fix, i cooked my meat myself and had lettuce wraps, rather than taco wraps
i controlled the cheese and sour cream:  fat free now

i researched healthy, low fat cooking

i made the Dr. Mike Power Cookie and coupled it with berries and low fat yogurt

i discovered and experimented with making yummmmy salads, using non fat cottage cheese,
and made the chicken myself

i packed my lunch and measured the quantity of my food so i knew what my intake was.

I did this for a over a month straight.  I was faithful and didn't cheat. I felt good.  My stomach issues from god knows what, dairy?  wheat? over eating??? went away, and I was feeling good.  Clothes were fitting better.  But it wasn't until this pic that I stopped and thought, wow!  A change is happening! 

rhett and i at the Jerry Seinfeld show in Portland

And then I did the unthinkable. I took pictures of myself so I could start a workout program and see the change in my body.

And pictures of ALL of me started making appearances...

Ha!  I look at these pictures and I smile.  I felt good about myself.  I was working out.  I was eating well. I'd lost the 20 pounds I should've lost.  I'd learned how to indulge every once in awhile, in a controlled way.  i.e.  have a slice of pie, but not a slice of all 4 pies.  I actually had to buy new clothes because my old ones were looking ridiculous.  People were starting to notice and were complimenting me.  I have to say it cause it's the truth ~ I felt really fantastically  great.

And then Halloween hit and I hit the candy hard.  And then Thankgiving and the Holiday Season hit, and I decided the holidays are to eat, drink, and be merry and I was going to eat, drink, and be merry darn it!  And as for the 5 pounds I gained in December by indulging.. oh well, no worries, by the First of the Year.. I'd get back on the fitness track.

So.  I'm getting back on the fitness track.  Starting today. And I'm ready!  We grocery shopped tonight and Rhett helped me chop up veggies, and I measured, and bagged, and I'm ready for the week. It's time to do this!

aaaah!! there's one of those infomercial pics, and it's ME! 

I want you to know that I know.  That self appreciation, respect, and like is not and should not be based on your weight and on appearance.  I know that.  And while I say I may not have liked myself in pictures ~ I've always loved myself in the mirror. ;)  But I'm not going to lie, it feels darn good to feel and look fit.  And I'm adding real fitness goals this year to accompany my healthy eating.. half marathon anyone?? Let's Do It!!

And now I declare my second Resolution for 2012: 

Run a Half Marathon!

-m-